"Why don't you love me?" Careless Heart

Why don't you love me? Hell I know why, because I'm not so damn easy to be loved. You try your hardest to love me but I just won't let you in. Every time you get a little bit closer, I back away. Remember that time it was perfect. We laid up in the hotel room and over looked the city. It was great huh? Too bad I had to fuck it up the next week with me needed my me time and just staying to myself. I mean, I know you had to worry about me and my ex keeping in contact. I know don't see how you tried to love me when I was online late at night. Yeah we created the profiles to do a little promoting, but I kept mine. That was fucked up. I know it was hard to express how you feel because I could turn the cituation around on you in a hard beat. "Oh, you don't trust me do you?" So I don't have to ask you why don't you love me. I know that I'm not so damn easy to be loved. What hurts the most not is the fact that I keep asking myself "Why don't you need me". If I just would have shown you the love that you deserved, we wouldn't be able to live with out each other. You made it so damn easy for your to be loved. You made it so damn easy to be need. Maybe I'm just plain dumb.

Shut up, You're too loud.

Why is it that gays are always loud. Loud loud loud loud loud. I think it may be because they are always trying to compete with each other, or show someone just how important they think they are. They down talk each other to make themselves be put on a pedestal. "Who drives a 3 series? (When you leasing your 5 series or can keep a car) Who has wings at a classy function? (When you are the very one fucking up the wings and have yet to leave the area the food sits in) Where is the red wine? (When yo cheap ass didn't even bring a bottle, and on top of that didn't get invited). I'm not going to say I'm not guilty of doing it bc I do. I do it on a different level. I don't understand why people have functions at their house and their house is so NASTY. I only do it on things that people can change, not appearance or financial things. Don't complain to me about the fact that your unhappy and your man does not do something if you are going to keep on putting up with it. Make a decision or fix the shit. And another thing, why must you be so GAY. Honey this, child that, gurl she did this, bitch what, miss honey child this is some teas, read her, get into it, fierce, snack honey. I just can't take it anymore. Being gay can be soooooo exhausting. Take off those accessories and makeup. Tone down that look of yours. Talk a little softer. And when you go out to eat, you don't have to make a scene about being gay, hell we all can see and hear you without you making it know. Snappy Bitch. Let me enjoy my meal in peace without having to hear about how you got fucked down last night. Why must I leave because I have my nephews with me. So why don't you sit back, and shut the fuck up, because you are way too loud and blowing my high.

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Clock still ticking - Distant Lover

Well I guess that wasn't my last post. I am laying in the bed as the clock ticks and the faucet drips. I close my eyes and try to wake up from this horrific dream. This new chapter of my life is action pack as there is never a dry moment. I can't think of anything else, my mind is drifting, my soul is crying, and my hands are picking up the crushed peices of my heart. I am strong I will be okay, for I know my time is now to live for me and to be stress free. Only time will tell how long it will take to heal but until then ill better me.

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The Truth

You sit there and smile as if everything is okay, as if I am the only one. However the truth is you are smiling to hide what lies behind door number one. Deep down you are a whore and I am ashamed to have fell for you, the trickery and the lies. They say women are the only ones who have an extra sense; well I have it as well. I felt it down in my spirit that everything was not okay, that something just wasn’t right. I begin doing some investigation only to find a hint that you weren’t telling the truth. We argued and fought and I forgave you because being with you felt o so right. Then the time came again but this time it was in my face, you couldn’t lie, you couldn’t hide the truth. I trapped you in a dark corner so you used the safe words, "I Love You". Like a dumb ass fool I fell for it, those words made me think...I know no one is perfect so we can make this work. But the day went on and I didn’t hear from you and to top it off I found more dirt. This time I confronted you, right then and there. You lied again! This time I felt as if you spat in my face as you hung up the phone and ran like a BITCH. Passwords were changed and communication was lost because of fear, I hold your image in my hand. I have the evidence to prove you are guilty, I sentence you to life. You better be thankful I am not the same person I use to be because I can expose it all. I could let it be known who you are, but that is not my style.

Well folks this may be my last post as if I no longer have any inspiration, no I didn’t lose all hope and no I am not thinking of ending my life. I refuse to let anyone have that much power over me. True the truth hurts but a lie hurts even more. -Distant Lover

One Layer by 2BLuvd

A far as relationships go, I think I have had less relationship experiences that the other two bloggers. At 23 y/o, I have never been in a true relationship. This sometimes bothers me. However, in my last infatuation, AND I REPEAT INFATUATION, I encountered experiences in which I wouldn't wish on anyone in a million years. I've been lied to and everything else, you name it, it happened... Anyway, through it all I think the only layer that I will truly have moving forward is TRUST... I want to have an amazing amount of trust in whoever I'm in a relationship with. I want to be able to trust you when I see you and even more when I can't. I know this is pretty basic and probably sounds really elementary, but this is honestly the only layer that I would have problems cutting through. But who knows...We shall see....

Gays have layers too - distant lover

Careless heart def has a gift from God as this topic of getting through to the real me and my layers has been on my heart. My eyes are literally filling up right now so if this post doesn't make sense that's why. Until now I have nvr been in a true relationship although I feel in this lifestyle nothing is traditional. In college I was not out so although I was talking to someone the last yr of school off in on there was no consistency due to lack of communication and the distance. I have been in relationships were it was not built on anything, no foundation, either just convenient or great sex. I have been hurt and I've hurt others, sometimes I feel like my heart is to big I put others before which has been a issue. So my first layer is to break through is my wall is as tall as ur eyes can see. One must bring something different to the table and be different from the rest. If I see the other person is opening up then I will too. Next of course is trust. I need to feel comfortable wit yo friends, n I need to know about any skeletons that might come up in the future. The last thing that come to mind is being able to compromise, u won't agree with everything but being able to give n take and work out differences. #1 - opening up, #2 - building trust, #3 - 50/50 those are my layers for my relationship to be successful.

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