Goodbye Cold Day by Careless Heart

As winter time approaches, we all fight to get that heat that we all need. You know what heat I'm talking about. That heat that causes there to be so many August, September, and October babies. I have to say it's really said when you have that person that can provide that heat but they are so far away. What does one do? Do you go out and find another blanket. I don't think so, or do I? All I know is, the winters aren't getting colder, and the summers are getting a lot hotter. I say this to prove that you don't just need to work on getting that heat during the winter time, you may want to work on getting that person that will bring you that cold glass of water when you want it to cool you down.

Crossroads - Distant Lover

I stand at a standstill as my life moves quickly before my eyes

I am trying to take it all in, all of the blessings, all of the laughter , and even all the pain

I stand at this cross road and there is only 2 choices

Why…Why…Why cant there be an easier way

Why cant I just say okay and let that be good enough

I am sitting on the floor in a dark room, lauryn is playing, smoke fills the air and my reaction is slow as I sip this drink

I am trying to figure it out

I have let you back in my life, exposed my heart and now I am faced with a choice

HEART vs. MIND

Why must you fight, be one and come together so I can make the right choice

I remember when everything was so simple; it was a right and a wrong answer

Its either A or B, True or False, now its all fill in the blank

Some say follow your heart you only live once

Others say it’s the same as before be smart, doesn’t it look familiar

I stand at this crossroad and it is come to a point to make a decision

All I can do is hope, hope that the right choice will be made for I will have to live with it tomorrow

Goodbye crossroad for the time has come

Dirty Thirty by Careless Heart.

OK. So I don't know where to start. I'm turning thirty, yes I said thirty, and it's been a ride. Can someone tell me why I feel like after the moth of September my life is going to change drastically. I had a birthday party and it changed not only my life, but some fiends lives as well. Lets just say the police got involved and I'm ashamed that an event I had was the cause of some of the things that happened. I don't mind if something affects me, but when I'm to blame for others pain, it hurts me dearly. So I have to say to that person, I'm extremely sorry. If I could take that day back, I would completely. Not only that, I recently got in a car wreck. The devil is truly testing me. I know I said I would shut it down after September, but maybe it's meant for me to shut it down now. One of my good friends asked me if I wanted to go out of town with them this weekend. This is someone I have enjoyed hanging with a lot. Yes it is my birthday weekend and it's labor day as well. I love spending time with my friends, but I don't think I can handle all the partying. What to do? I have my trip to Miami coming up and then that it for me. Seriously. Though a lot of rough things have happened, I had the best surprise ever, My best friend came down at the last minute to make my special day even more enjoyable. It was such a great gift. I believe that time is the best gift you can give anyone. I have so much to write about but I think this is were I'm going to stop. Until next time.

Careless Heart

"Why don't you love me?" Careless Heart

Why don't you love me? Hell I know why, because I'm not so damn easy to be loved. You try your hardest to love me but I just won't let you in. Every time you get a little bit closer, I back away. Remember that time it was perfect. We laid up in the hotel room and over looked the city. It was great huh? Too bad I had to fuck it up the next week with me needed my me time and just staying to myself. I mean, I know you had to worry about me and my ex keeping in contact. I know don't see how you tried to love me when I was online late at night. Yeah we created the profiles to do a little promoting, but I kept mine. That was fucked up. I know it was hard to express how you feel because I could turn the cituation around on you in a hard beat. "Oh, you don't trust me do you?" So I don't have to ask you why don't you love me. I know that I'm not so damn easy to be loved. What hurts the most not is the fact that I keep asking myself "Why don't you need me". If I just would have shown you the love that you deserved, we wouldn't be able to live with out each other. You made it so damn easy for your to be loved. You made it so damn easy to be need. Maybe I'm just plain dumb.

Shut up, You're too loud.

Why is it that gays are always loud. Loud loud loud loud loud. I think it may be because they are always trying to compete with each other, or show someone just how important they think they are. They down talk each other to make themselves be put on a pedestal. "Who drives a 3 series? (When you leasing your 5 series or can keep a car) Who has wings at a classy function? (When you are the very one fucking up the wings and have yet to leave the area the food sits in) Where is the red wine? (When yo cheap ass didn't even bring a bottle, and on top of that didn't get invited). I'm not going to say I'm not guilty of doing it bc I do. I do it on a different level. I don't understand why people have functions at their house and their house is so NASTY. I only do it on things that people can change, not appearance or financial things. Don't complain to me about the fact that your unhappy and your man does not do something if you are going to keep on putting up with it. Make a decision or fix the shit. And another thing, why must you be so GAY. Honey this, child that, gurl she did this, bitch what, miss honey child this is some teas, read her, get into it, fierce, snack honey. I just can't take it anymore. Being gay can be soooooo exhausting. Take off those accessories and makeup. Tone down that look of yours. Talk a little softer. And when you go out to eat, you don't have to make a scene about being gay, hell we all can see and hear you without you making it know. Snappy Bitch. Let me enjoy my meal in peace without having to hear about how you got fucked down last night. Why must I leave because I have my nephews with me. So why don't you sit back, and shut the fuck up, because you are way too loud and blowing my high.

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Clock still ticking - Distant Lover

Well I guess that wasn't my last post. I am laying in the bed as the clock ticks and the faucet drips. I close my eyes and try to wake up from this horrific dream. This new chapter of my life is action pack as there is never a dry moment. I can't think of anything else, my mind is drifting, my soul is crying, and my hands are picking up the crushed peices of my heart. I am strong I will be okay, for I know my time is now to live for me and to be stress free. Only time will tell how long it will take to heal but until then ill better me.

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